I should re-name my blog because it's now 99% rant

I don’t even like crab cakes.

But I do like going to restaurants and meeting new people and having new experiences. That’s one of my favorite things. I love being able to say, I did something out of my comfort zone. And most of the time I find something new to appreciate and enjoy. Which is something I think helps me grow as a person.

More than anything, I loved playing with Ms. Jessica’s daughter, Maggie. I’m not one for “adult” socialization. Adults are much more suborn than children about things that matter. I know; I’m stubborn. But kids, they have such a different understanding than we do of the world. I’ve become cynical and rough and prickly about the world and to new people. But kids, they can meet anyone without hesitation. They feel so deeply and honestly, and let it show.

My mom told me one of the first times that I had to get blood drawn, that I can’t let the nurses see my pain or how afraid I was. But why not? “Not to give them the satisfaction.” But feeling is one of the most human qualities, and it means we are alive. Sometimes, I don’t believe I’m truly living because I feel absolutely nothing. 

Is it better to become an adult, fighting to feel anything, or is it better to give a nurse who you’ll probably never see again a bit of satisfaction because needles scare you and make you cry?

I don’t know. And I don’t think I ever will.