A Submission for a Thing

Name: Olivia Van Housen
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Twitter / Instagram Handle: stlgirl1216

Tell Us Your Story.....

[Songs/Album Title bolded]

You know those moods you get when you really need to listen to specific songs?

I'm one of those select few people who listen to songs only on repeat for hours at a time. I can tell you thousands of lyrics by memory. Each specific song is important to me. Some trigger memories and feelings. I can also tell you exactly what I saw, where I was, and what I felt the night I listened to Sounds Good Feels Good for the first time. 

This entire album highlights the actual pop punk rock scene and the bullied or cast aside kids understand who can connect with the music on a higher level. From afar, I appreciate you as humans, who created something that helped save us from ourselves. It will take a long time for you to reach the same levels of audiences as I know you hope for, but that's ok. 

I listen to music all the time. A couple years ago "Amnesia" was the song I cried to for hours alone in my empty house writing letters while my mom and my sister were at the new apartment that didn't have any place for me. From the new album, when I listened to Broken Home for the first time I almost burst into tears while studying with some friends in a coffee shop. Thankfully I reached home before I played it on repeat and had my feelings about it. The lyrics resonated with me so deeply, and I thank you for that. My parents went through a very abrupt split about a month before I left for college and two years later I still haven't gotten through it to the point where I can say I'm truly alright. But I'm working on it. I didn't get to have the true range of emotions about it at the time, because I had to be an "adult" and take care of both family ends. So now the feelings come in bits and pieces. 0/10 do not recommend. 

Jet Black Heart is great for when I have to put on the "I'm ok" act for others when I really just want to go home and lay down, or I get that feeling of wanting to cry or break something and I just have to reign it in. I always worry. I worry about my family and their financial situation, I worry about my friends, I worry about school, I worry about figuring out who I'm supposed to be in time, I worry about being on time, I worry about forgetting an important meeting, the list goes on and on. When family tells me "don't worry about money" and then complains to me about how awful the finances are, of course I'm going to worry. I spend my pay checks getting myself food, I've had different jobs for years to try and pay for myself in any way possible. If I want something I go out and get it on my own. I don't like to rely on other people, especially not my family. I try to complain as little as possible. I try to be a good listener and attentive to other people. But when just want to cry and tell someone how much everything sucks sometimes, I keep it to myself and bottle it up inside. And then worry if I ever got into a serious relationship they wouldn't get it, so I hold people at a far distance. I think you guys know a little about this type of complex. 

Your music helps when I finally feel myself breaking down, or when I need a catalyst to get me to feel. I've dealt with personal issues in my head for a long time. I grew up in and out of therapy, on medicine, and living with self-hate. Now, I've been so busy with college and work I barely take care of myself. There has always been that constant battle in my head I keep contained. Music is one of the only ways I've been able to let out some emotion. Thank you for that. 

The sort of bridge resolution mix at the end of Outer Space is soothing, and reminds me of the school library now because most nights I'm stuck studying and doing homework late. The first time I heard it I laughed because it can't rain in space(I'm partially a science major) and thought of the illusion to the impossibility that the girl would ever really love the guy again. And he would be waiting forever floating in these feelings of loneliness but not able to let go because he believes so strongly in the feeling that her love gave him. Maybe it wasn't your intention to be this deep and science ish, but you can definitely steal this if you want. 

Invisible has the wonderful sound of the typewriter which I love, and often I wonder to this song. I'm still trying to figure it out who I am. I don't know what I want to do with my life, my self-confidence is the height of an ant, and I feel like there is a level of meaninglessness to my life because I'm just going through the motions. I want to help people. I want to make a difference in the world, stop injustices, and give people a chance to be heard by someone who cares about what they think and what they've been through.

[Side Note] I remember when I went to your concert in Tampa, I had a letter for you guys apologizing because I know to a small degree how awful you must have felt during times of the tour. I wanted to tell you that I was sorry and that the tour was almost over so you can soon let go of all of that pain for a little while. I can understand laying in bed hiding tears and not wanting to tell anyone because, your life is so great, how could you? And I'm sure you know that feeling of pressure in your chest like all of your ribs are going to break from some invisible force. Trust me when I say, it's pretty similar on this end too. (Also, sorry you have to suffer those awful insane teenage girl screams.)

I'm also sorry that because of what you do, you can't trust people in the same way as before. Your work defines who you are, your mistakes are not as easily fixed, and each relationship made is now taken with caution never confident that the people around you really care about you or what you have attached to your name. 

I'm not that much older than you are, but I can give a little advice. I know it's hard to go through life, but try and find the good in the little things. I can't tell you how many times I've smiled at butterflies and frogs because nothing else made sense. Finding new music is also one of those little bursts of happiness. Don't forget to do something for yourself.

Thank you for making music that impacts my life, and will continue to in the future. Your songs have helped me through some rough nights, and I know this was a terribly long email, so also thanks for reading it. 

I wish you all happiness.

-Olivia Van Housen