There's something so comforting that comes from looking at the fairy lights when it's late at night. The softness is romantic, but in the way a hug feels from someone warm who loves you. Trying to explain how I feel right now, isn't perfect. There are feelings that seem to well up. Nostalgia from when I was little and we had these things up on the back deck, eating dinner together as a family outside which I didn't always enjoy, but now I'm trying hard not to forget. And I miss it so much.
But then there are different feelings. Ones of loneliness and quiet melancholy that remind me how there's no one around. I have no desire to reach out to anyone and fumble with these explanations of how lights make me feel. Yet I'm here longing for someone to wrap their arms around me, lay beside me, and understand everything I can't say. Because I don't want to speak. I worry my words would wreck any chance I had at explaining close to how it is.
The tears roll slowly down one by one to my pillow, absorbed into the embrace of the sheets. There's so much I want to say. Feelings and memories and regrets and wishes crashing one after the other upon my heart.
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