Diet soda society- the Maine 

Song of the post.

Writing this one in the van heading to a Methodist retreat camp... (Shrugs) I slept for about 20 minutes off and on so I'm semi awake. I'm sure there's more I want to touch on, but it can wait.

The room (me myself and i with 3 beds in room 215) is all set up, nice and cold. Too bad I had to leave so soon. But now I'm on another adventure with 24 other people plus 4 directors of things. 

Not having to drive gives me a bit of a break from wanting to lay down. I still haven't finished my work..... It will get done.

I get to think in the van about my recent mistake, which, I've been trying to ignore. But it creeps up in my mind and captures my attention during times like these. How could I be so silly to like another guy? Again? Sigh. I mean, I was cautious from the beginning of this whole second ordeal. I'm no stranger to the fallout. But something I guess made me wish it could work. I've hopefully learned my lesson now about military guys. 

more than anything I regret my thinking we had a chance of that this wasn't going to be the outcome. And no matter how many times I do it, I still fall for the same mistake.

I don't want it to be true that I messed up again, but it's something I'm working on coming to terms with, and it might take another 6 months to get over completely. I still revisit my experiences from 2 years ago often. There's nothing I'd rather do than think of something else, but I can't. Sometimes things haunt your thoughts just because of how fresh they are.

But, the bright side on this rainy day, is that I'm getting closer and closer to finding what qualities I do want my future boyfriend/thing to have. It helps me grow. And also learn, next time I should keep information to myself. It never works out when I tell someone.

Now, off to dinner and s'mores? Potentially? (And the light of our lord and savior...) with more thoughts about things I get to learn from.