7.21

Wow, I've done nothing today. And it's already 8:30 PM.

I woke up, went to the grocery store with Meimei, and ate some cookies and cleaned the house. Then made din dins and now I'm just relaxing upstairs. 

I will eventually do some work.

My life isn't going to be blog worthy or interesting... 

But some thoughts and things are coming soon, and will be uploaded instead of my boring sleep, nom, repeat for the next 2 weeks. The thoughts will be random and usually depressing or contemplative or really not pleasant or just dumb, but there will be something hopefully every day to continue the habit.

I ordered my new iPod!

Mom got a new job at the new K-8 school right next to my high school.

I still need to call dad. And write papers.

Now back to Disney movies and cookies.

I didn't realize how much I missed cookies.

And disinfecting hand soap. And clean ness. And Lysol/Clorox wipes.

I never know what to ask for birthdays or Christmas from people, so this year I'll say hand soap and iTunes gift cards and disinfecting wipes. Because the things I usually get myself are the expensive things and I get them when I need them, which is a lovely part of being a semi-adult without a car. No need for gas every week and a half. And no need to pay for other things yet except pitching in for college and car insurance twice a year. It gives me a lot of happiness to know that I buy the majority of my own clothes and pay for things I need and can afford to get groceries for myself and make educated decisions. I still want to invest in stocks... But... We'll get there.

It gives me a lot of pride to know I bought my iPad all by myself, and my new iPod and computer and most of my dresses. And I can afford to spend money on new music on a whim.

Anyways.

Meimei asked me today if I had a college boyfriend ever. I laughed. Then I lied and told her I wasn't looking for one, which isn't exactly a lie... It's just not... Well... The truth. It's in the gray area like most things. I'm not looking incredibly hard these days, but I'm also not, not looking.

So there's this picture of my mom that you can find on google from one of her relative's flickr account, and it's from when she was 18 and it's not exactly inappropriate but not cap and gown professional either. So she's asked (through my Facebook) for my uncle to take it down but it's still up and one of her friends texted it to her and asked if it was her and I saw it and laughed because it's exactly like what Meimei posts all the time. And since my mom is a professional-ish adult now, she hates that the photo is public. So, of course, I made fun of her because I don't really condone or accept her life choices from when she was 15-25. My sister's either. And I also said that she should show it to Meimei as a reminder that dumb stuff will haunt you on the Internet when you're an adult when your face is plastered all over it. Now, I may be sarcastic and rude every now and again, but due to me not being very attractive and a self-conscious cheese, I have no "sorority type" photos to speak of. Thank goodness for low self-esteem as a teenager, I won't have those type of things haunting me when I'm applying to a job or grad school or for anyone to see if they bothered to google my name. I mean, I'm sure that my mom doesn't regret most of the choices she made when she was my age. She got very far in the world and got to do cool things because of those choices. But it's not a lifestyle for me. I've contemplated it, but only because I would like to have money to travel, honestly. And so I wouldn't be so dependent on my parents. I want my own place to settle down in and not have to keep moving. (I know I already did this rant.)

Sigh. If I didn't make such good decisions and be always adult about certain things, maybe my high school time would have been more fun. I would have gone out more with friends. I wouldn't have gone to work an hour after I got my diploma. I would have been more social. In college too, my first year would have been more of an experience if I had actually gotten drunk with friends once or hung out with others more. Maybe I would have gotten a boyfriend or something. Who knows. And a part of me will always regret not being a teenager and making stupid mistakes, enjoying life and not holding down several jobs and being responsible. Because, in the end, I don't know if the teenage years were as fun as they could have been if I didn't have that intense sense of obligation to make adult decisions and work hard and do well in school. The only time I felt really alive and like a teenager was when I snuck to the All Time Low concert alone after scheduling off work that night (ahead of time) without telling my mom. Not that I didn't love the band Friday night football games and the band practices and tennis matches. But it's not even close to the "going to parties and having a steady boyfriend (multiple boyfriends for my mom)" high school experience. Maybe it's because I'm not attractive, or have too much of a adult moral compass for my age, but living with people who've experienced these things makes me wonder if their memories were better than mine because they made mistakes then without fear of the adult world that lie ahead and the consequences of their actions. 

Anyways, this post has gone on long enough, and it's not even an official rant/thought.

Bed time. Tomorrow I'll actually do some work. Hopefully.