I'm busy.

This song is killing me. I am having flashbacks, and somehow I still can't cry! Good ness. And stress is building from knowing in 2 months I'm going to see my dad. 

I'm officially going to Tallahassee and I'm nervous? Excited? Stressed out?

It's been a long time since I've posted. I went home for fall break last week and was sick, but I also went to two amazing concerts and met some great people. Now back to the struggle of writing papers and trying to stay afloat. I don't think I will be going for the scholarship because I'm just too busy. I fell off my ladder today. These sentences won't make sense because it's 2 AM. 

Tomorrow I get to sleep in. 

I remember the writing on the walls. That feeling of sadness is there but I can't pinpoint it or make it large enough for me to cry. 

I'm planning on having a semi-relaxing Friday, with fishing. Before I have to be plunged back into work, editing, papers, etc. I feel like I'm chipping away at pieces, but I'm never finished. Trying to dig my way out while being slowly buried. And at the same time now I'm fighting with my mind to try and regain control. I just don't know what I'm going to do. One step at a time.

I wrote two songs, and made it through a week of breakdown before break. I was so close to crying so many times, and I still don't understand why. The stress I'm guessing just compounded, but now I'm semi back to normal. 

When did taking care of myself not matter? Because right now, it's one of the least important things, but I still think often about it. 

Song of the post: broken home-5sos.

All Time Low Sleeping With Sirens concert wrapup

- How was the concert in general?

Much more mellow than I was expecting. (Weird, right?) But I still enjoyed the music and the show was nice. 

- Which band did you enjoy the most and why?

All Time Low. I've listened to them for years and they know how to put on a show.

- How did this concert compare with other concerts you’ve been to?

Like I said, more mellow. I saw ATL with some other more punk bands a couple years ago and I think it just depends on the audience how the feel of the show goes. 

- Tell me your thoughts on the crowd at the show.

A mix of teen girls and real fans of music not just the actual bands themselves. Not to say the band members aren't important, but the music (to me) comes first. There are levels of dedication that some people don't understand. It's a bit rough to go to a concert and just hear high pitched screaming. 

- Would you consider the band on this tour part of “scene” music? If so, why?

The two headliners used to be much more "scene" like, and it just involves the changing audience. With bands like SWS and ATL becoming more known, newer fans are drawn in that are not "scene," and I know it bugs me a bit to get beaten out for amazing concert seats by rich kids who don't care about the music as much as the status of going to a cool concert.

- What are your views on “scene” culture coming from a college student’s perspective? - - Why do you still go to these types of concerts?

I'm forever a scene kid at heart even though I don't dress like it. These bands and this music has helped me through a lot of my life, and I love seeing it played live. I'm the type of person who likes to go see bands at least once in person because it's so much fun, especially when the crowd is just like you. It's nice to see that there are still outcast kids who find solace in this kind of thing away from the jerks in middle and high school.

- Do you see yourself continuing to go concerts like this far for a long time? Do you see a point coming where you actually may “grow out of it,” a phrase many always use?

I'm sure I'll continue to go to concerts. Maybe not at the grate in the front, but I love the energy that comes from being around people who are so similar. I'm sure I'll also be introducing my future kids to the music scene. 

Old writings...

I was looking through my sketchbook. I really am a romantic. To such an intense degree. It's crazy. 

Side note I also have been suffering massive headaches these past two days and nights and it's killer. Especially to be looking at a screen. But here I am.

I used to (and still do I just don't have a lot of time recently) dream of certain things someone will say to me. And they're all the most romantic things. I don't think people are like that anymore, it's all in my head. Maybe people never were that way. I don't know. Maybe 100 years ago, before the world seemed to be spinning too fast and everyone was connected by this imaginary thread. But it's a dream I will always hold on to.

"I could watch you breathe and still be entertained for hours."

"Your love keeps me constantly intoxicated."

"I don't want to give this life away because there's a chance I will find you in each minute."

"I don't think I could deal with you being unhappy, because my heart would shatter if a single tear fell down your face." 

I'm exhausted. I'm now on the phone with a boy, listening to his day. He isn't as romantic or as deep as I am,  but he's still nice and I enjoy talking to him. I just don't know how far it will go. And I am still looking for someone. I read somewhere that I should keep my standards high. Even though I still feel alone.